We are told time and time again what a complex soul the Prime Minister is, and we must all seek to understand his vision. Nby tried to do this two months ago, as a result of which I became Hitler's spawn; but it behoves us all to keep on trying.

Gordon is indeed a man of many parts, most of them private. He likes to keep his eyesight private....until such time as he needs to come across as courageous - at which point he devotes most of a party political broadcast to his eyesight. When accused of going blind, he becomes very private again. And when he dashes off half-witted condolence letters, he blames that pesky eyesight again, adopting the pained hangdog expression of a man struggling with a terrible infirmity. Which, of course, isn't getting any worse, and so he goes all private about popping into Moorfields. This shows new retinal tears and so when spotted by the Daily Telegraph, he goes very public to say his eyesight is just the same only a bit different, but as we all want him to so much, he'll soldier on....despite that huge petition asking him to, um, bozz off.

This is complexity of a special kind - and it doesn't end there.

Is he the tough, steady driver on the bumpy road to that vision he's always going to give us? Or is he the U-turning big-spender taking Blighty to Hell in a handcart?

Well, he's none of these things. The Prime Minister is, in fact, Spiderman in Reverse: the Comic Superhero who can climb down - from even the tallest stories and the highest ground - when people say 'Boo', 'Backbench revolt', 'Unpopular in the focus groups' and so forth.

Yes, even when The Nine Ministers From The Deep threaten Gordon with electoral disaster (and resignation) the rock-solid Stone of Broon sits atop the dark abyss....and climbs down.

10% tax rates, petrol charges, Cabinet reshuffles, fiscal stimuli, Childcare tokens....Mr Brown, the man with the spider's web and the sticky hands, has unscaled every last one of these high-rise measures.

What the man needs is to steer a clear and steady course between the one extreme of climbing down, and the other one of standing up for his beliefs.

Or put another way, he should stand down.

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Will the Tories really make any difference?

Cammers...nudge,nudge, wink, wink...

David Cameron is rapidly proving that he is a sheep in chamelion's clothing. This is a great shame, as three years ago I had high hopes for him.

He is at least a decent man, and he can add up: so the looming prospect of selling our grandchildren into Chinese slavery may yet be averted. But UK government needs a change of style, not tie.

Dave says he is a great believer in local power - but then wades in at every opportunity to overrule local Party candidate selections.

He says he will defend local press freedoms - but then proposes to abolish restrictions on multiple press ownership.

He says he wants more media neutrality - but then hands a gift to the Murdokkers by vowing to cut the BBC's licence fee.

He is, I'm afraid, just another privilege-riddled professional politico: another centralising control-freak corporate.

But here's a challenge for Dave the Radical: if elected, will he guarantee to repeal the law making criticism of homosexuals illegal, should it pass? I need to know this on account of being against degenerate old unelected queens lying their heads off purely to achieve unbridled power at all costs....and we're not talking Windsors here.