1. See your solicitor immediately, ask him to accompany you to the nearest police station and then offer to fall on the mercy of the Court, adding that you were never really that serious about joining The Resistance.

2. Think again.

3. Check that you are not taking any medication which might conflict with readership of nby. Petrol, Germolene, Horlicks, BBC News and Bombadier Real Ale are particularly contraindicated. If you suffer any side-effects as a result of visiting the site, contact your local vicar immediately.

4. Send an email to john@johnaward.net and type 'subscribe'. You will be added to the existing Roll of Honour.

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