MADE UP NEWS /NOT BORN YESTERDAY
Somali pirates threw Sean Connery off his ship into boiling oil yesterday, after the professional Scot appeared to shout 'lang may yer rum leak'. Max Clifford offered to represent the pirates free of charge.
All 46 pigs catapaulted by Michael O'Leary towards Britain were shot down by RAF bacon slicers this morning. (And it's fuck off to you, too)
Cryogenic miracle 138 year-old banker JP Morgan is to launch the Tsunami/Hurricane default swap. People killed by Tsunamis will be able to swap with people killed by hurricanes, and vice versa. Morgan will waive its normal fee of 15% for one of twice that amount.