April 22nd 1709
A moste astonyshing daye, in which many strange thyngs are experienced.
To the prynter in order that my manuscripte's conversion to the press should be supervised by myselfe. Master Pollygrewe the propryetor opines that my story of fighting wars about which way to open a boyled egg, while amusing, is completely incredible. I informed him of my intente to satirise by exaggeration, at whych polemyckal argument he looked askance.
On the waye returning to my residence, I called into the Banke Royale of the Picts, in order that my account should be reconcyled and a new level of interest be arranged for the capital the Calidonean ownere Master Goodwynne has agreed to advance me against future sales .
Master Goodwynne is not found in good humoure. He has invested all the bank's moneyes in a Snotte Mine, which has failed. Because of this he regretabblie informs me he can no longer advance me a loane. Ifounde myselfe emboldened to ask of Fredericke what the trade appeal of Snotte might be, but he remained sylente on this issue.
So I am by turns to Master Barclay at the signe of an avian creature of some descryptione, althoughe I am bound to remarque that a reptyle might be more in keepynge.
Barclay is also dystressed, insisting an advance be out of the questionne. He offers me a devylishe storie of how several of those in his employe did lende gold to passing gypsies such that they shoulde add five furthere wheels to their caravannes and purchase Peruvian mice as beastes of burden. I enquyre of Barclay as to whether he has perhappenstance just fallene from the branche of a Christe Mass tree, and take my leave of him.
Master Swift
My astonyshement at this policye is neverthelesse exceeded as I enter the portals of Messieurs Nationale Westmynster for to talke of loans wyth their Mr Nathaniel Weste.
As if there myghte be some epydemicke of madnesse come to infecte us all, Mr Weste is of some dyscretion, but leads me to deduce that he is going Weste, as the common people would have the phrase.
It seemes the banke have extended great loans to the explorer Mr Poppinjaye, who claims to have determyned that there must be another worlde upside downe below the Earthleye lands we inhabitte. The Poppinjaye expedytione not having been seen for many a yeare, Nathaniel is forced to the assumptione of either some appallinge oceanic dysastere has befallen the luckless explorere, or the bank has been taken for a ryde.
I offered my counselle that indeede Mr Poppynjaye has been takinge the pisse, but this relieves not Mr Weste's darke mood. Verilye I am of the minde to conclude thatte Nathaniel lackes several important tyles on his roofe.
Althoughe it be a pestylence, I am therefore afterwardes in the post meridian to the Bank of Englande at Threadneedle Streete to there meete with Master Mervyne Kynge, the Overseere thereof. In greate contrast to the other banking merchants, Mr Kynge is as the hounde with two cockes. For he hath - he does insyste - a fine notion by which the bankes can be rescued.
I am aghaste as Master Kynge lays before me for my apparente approbatione a scheme wherebye a new taxe among the povertied classes shall be levyed, from whiche dystressed bankers shall be reymbursed for lendinge purposes. And further offered gold coin from the Exchequor in return for which the King's collectors shall enjoye the benyfites of moneyes advanced uponne the construction of serf dwellynges fashioned from the newlie discovered materials, shyte and drivelle.
He too having refused my loane request, I am moved to aske Mr Kynge whether there be anybody in the professyone of banking who is not a comprehensyve fuckwitte, and is he having a laughe or whatte? Offended at my AngloSaxone ribaldry, he askes me to vacate his presence, and on departyng this Bedlam I switch to Latin in order to enquyre as to whether I might be the only personne in London who be not a compleat cunte.
I will to my prynters in the forenoon earlie tomorrow, such that they mighte be informed of my intention to dumpe Gulliver in favoure of a calling in journalysm.